128. thin is in
June 3rd, 2009 § 6 Comments
Nowhere have I felt the pressure of “thin is in” so palpably as I have here, in Taiwan; I arrived here after a winter of gaining weight from hibernating in the frigid Midwest and my mother, upon my exit from Immigration/Customs (which was a nightmare in itself) saw my [ ]-lb. self, and immediately put me on a diet. I recall a particular cabbage-and-tomato soup, and plenty of diet seaweed-jello drinks. Recall that I’d just decided that I wanted to stop dieting, as it had led to nothing but weight fluctuations over the last eight years and an obsessiveness over calorie-counting, scale-hopping, and profound self-loathing, not to mention events such as sitting on my love-seat, bingeing on sliced salami. (A book called Overcoming Overeating is to thank for my newfound outlook on food.)
I didn’t want to be on a diet, but circumstances dictated that I was, in essence, on one. We ate as though we were restricting — and the longer I stayed in Taiwan, the more I realized that this country simply does not tolerate the non-petite. On the second or third day my mom took me to her favorite clothing store, and when a dress I tried on turned out to be abominably small, the saleslady informed me that all of the clothes were in one size only.
I go back to the States tomorrow, and I’m looking forward to eating some chili cheese fries. Mindfully — and I won’t finish the whole batch. But I’ll eat them without berating myself, and I know that I’ll really enjoy them.
Phew, I was glad to read the last part of this post.
I’ve been reading your blog for a good year (I think) and I was shocked when I saw you first write about dieting, I didn’t think you had any excess weight to lose, let alone that other people might consider you in need of a diet. I’ve just married into an Asian family (not Asian myself), and I hate to blanket statement an entire race, but it does seem like poor body image is being passed from mother to daughter, rinse and repeat. I’m significantly overweight, and feel like the literal elephant in the room when I’m around my husband’s family… especially when food and weight is so predominant a topic around the dinner table. But it’s their problem, not mine.
Sorry for the long comment from a random internet person, but really: hooray for loving our bodies.
I am so sorry that you have felt this way. I have had the same pressures, and I am sure a huge majority out there can relate so much to your thoughts here. Thank you for being brave and talking about it. You are so beautiful it is awful that you ever feel anything else, but that is human nature.
I now live in Sydney, Australia, and am a little overweight for my height and frame — a combination of a love for food, lack of consistent exercise and some health problems.
I’m of Chinese descent, I grew up in Singapore and spent the first 25 years of my life constantly feeling ugly and unacceptable, even though I was, at most points, 10 to 20 kg lighter than I am now.
This past week I just spent some time with my mother who was visiting from Singapore, and when she prodded at my body, I brushed it off with a “I’m pretty much healthy” and then added “Mom, I don’t want to spend the rest of my life thinkin I’m ugly, I’m fat and that I should kill myself if I’m not skinny.”. And she actually listened.
I think you already know it, but I just wanted to say that you look wonderful whatever weight you are. My grandmother, who is a very wise woman, tells me to stop clothes shopping, and to get clothes tailor-made, because in the past, women made clothes to fit them — if they didn’t fit, it was the clothes which were wrong, not the woman.
That’s really too bad. Body pressure can pretty much be found all over the world in some way or other–love yourself and that should be good enough for everyone!
In a month I’ll be going to Asia, where I’m certain I’ll be criticized for my size. I’m Chinese, and my body type does not conform to what are ostensibly Chinese notions of what’s acceptable: I’m about 5’9″, I’m built like a volleyball player (quite muscular, broad shoulders), and I’m very tan. My relatives in the United States have called me a “man” at family gatherings.
For the past five years I’ve been battling compulsive overeating and binging. I’m not exactly sure it’s something I can get over completely. I saw a psychoanalyst for two years, and she proved very helpful. At one point I joined an eating disorder group on campus, which was eye-opening. I was the only graduate student in the lot of seven girls who were undergraduates. Half of the group comprised of sorority girls who seemed well-adjusted, but were terribly upset with themselves. I sometimes post on the forum at somethingfishy.org, but I find myself resorting to that during one of my episodes. I think the consciousness about my eating disorder will be a lifelong thing. I still have my episodes, but they are more few and far between now.
Obviously my relatives’ comments about my body have negatively affected the way I see myself. I started to appreciate my build, when, a few years ago, I realized how strong I was, and how far I could stretch my muscles. (I am able to do one-hundred-pound bench presses now.)
I’m glad you shared this on your Web site. I think it’s very brave to admit and be frank about something so complicated.
I’m a Taiwanese American living in Taipei and I TOTALLY agree that the weight-centrism is insane here. Even major chain stores only have two sizes. I think designers here assume that you are either a size 6 and down or plus size… everyone in between gets shafted. I have no idea what they are thinking because even though sizes here tend to skew a lot smaller than in America, there are still plenty of US size 8, 10, 12, etc. women around. As for plus size stores… the naming convention here is for shop names like “XXXL,” “Beyond XXXL Clothes,” “Super Extra Beyond Plus-Size” and so on. I make an effort to spend my money at Taiwanese businesses, but I rarely go shopping here because it’s so mind-warping and I don’t need the confidence lashing.
Anyway… I really love your blog! I’ve been lurking for a while and I can’t remember if I’ve ever left a comment, but I always enjoy your entries and photos. Please keep posting and good luck with your wedding! (I just got married last month, so I know how busy you are right now!)