347. I agree with Sir Luscious Left Foot in needing a back up plan to my back up plan (and let’s not stop there)
July 29th, 2010 § 13 Comments
Hello friends & people I don’t know too well yet isn’t it possible that might change one day: are you also up–late into the evening, early into the morning–like me and like the cicadas? The longer I am away from this blog, the harder it is to write a post because instead of having to tell you how it felt to live the past two days, (and not knowing how, I feel apologetic toward the last two days,) I have to try and figure out how to regard and encapsulate and exhume and illuminate how it felt to live the past week and a half (and not knowing how, I feel apologetic toward the last week and a half, which is a little bit too much sorry-feeling to feel for writing a blog post, is it not?)
Everything is ending and almost nothing is beginning yet, but that’s because I like to get sad about nothing and I often feel too tense to get excited about everything. I finished teaching at at the Iowa Young Writers Studio last week. It ended with a camp talent show and prom that made my heart hurt in ways that were so extraordinary it would be beneath the very extraordinariness of what makes anything feel extraordinary to say whether my heart hurt in a good or bad way. I know I felt so proud of my students at the end of the two weeks. It was wonderful to watch them grow as fiction writers, and how blessed I felt when every single one of them turned in a second short story that was terrifyingly good and galaxies better than their first.
Speaking of being blessed, a man approached me on the street using the guise of wanting to know if I was ‘Korean, Chinese, or Japanese,’ because ‘I can tell most of the time, well not all of the time, sometimes I’m wrong, but mostly I’m right, except a few times I’ve been wrong, but everyone’s wrong sometimes, at least I can get it about 80% of the time.’ I thought he wanted me to be his geisha or some shit, but it turned out he just wanted to bless me and invite me to his church. I usually don’t say directly, ‘Sorry dude, I’m an atheist,’ but being indirect has caused my life to sour these past few weeks, so I went against impulse and told him to leave me alone. What are you supposed to say to someone who tells you, ‘I’m praying for you?’ If you say, ‘Leave me alone you weird, sad, ineffective person,’ wouldn’t that make the person pray for you even more vigorously? But it also feels awful to leave a conversation like that with your tail between your non-believing mosquito bitten legs.
My life is sort of a void now that camp is over and the brilliant, brilliant Julia has gone back home to Minneapolis. I’d gladly suffer through twenty plus mosquito bites to sit with her on the curb of parking lot late into the night while half ignoring, half amused smiling at the creepy dudes who vulture-circle around her because she’s that beautiful and they’re that creepy, and also guess what? I have eighteen mosquito bites on my leg right now. Today, I took a wrong turn on my way to the thrift store and I ended up in a part of town that had numbers for street names, and an elementary school named after a President with a ruined reputation, and rows and rows of disturbingly similar mansion type houses and strange lawns that were so green and long yards of white picket fences that I jokingly and also seriously dreamed about as a teenager that I got the shivers just driving past it all. At the end of the road was this road which led to a barn which led to a house which led to more barns which led to more roads which led to places I don’t know about.
These Jeffrey Campbell peeptoes are for sale at Tender Gluttons (my shop my closet blog.)
These mosquito bites are also for sale.
This emblem is marks The Tree of Life, which is just another way of saying, Yo life, keep sproutin.
If you’re wondering what kind of sibylline, magical creature designed a pair of ruffled bloomers with heart pockets, well, duh, it’s Mandate of Heaven obviously.
The vintage ruffle top I got at a flea market in Brooklyn, and the sandals are from Etsy.
Returning to the subject of brilliance and Julia, I had a brilliant time with Julia and Lucy (both counselors at the camp) this past weekend, so brilliant, in fact, I couldn’t stop wishing out loud for the night to never end, and that was how every night ended. Julia has made me feel braver about telling people about this blog. For example, today I told Leslie about my blog (hi Leslie, if you are reading this!) and I only didn’t say anything earlier because Leslie has a beautiful elliptical mind that makes me want to have the ability to connect all the most important and mysterious things in this world to each other the way she does, and it makes me want to know what mental exercises I can do to make my brain as dazzling as hers. Also, speaking of dazzling things, look at how dazzling Julia looks in this yellow 60′s dress, formerly mine, now hers hers hers and truly hers because it only glows when it’s on her.
I was going to put this dress up on my Shop My Closet blog but I’m glad that it’s going to Julia instead. I’ve put up a few new things over at my little closet shop, including some dresses,a bow belt that I wore in with the same yellow dress Julia’s wearing, and a pair of Jeffrey Campbell peeptoes that I’m wearing in the first photo up top. I feel like this post is all about completing some kind of circle because the last time I showed off my double-jointed arms was when I was wearing this yellow dress that is now Julia’s, and now, once again, I’m showing you my mosquito bites and my weird arms and this whole post feels like a letter written by someone who never learned to be clever and that is as comforting as white picket fences were to the high school me who brazenly and secretly wanted almost everything that other people told me I should want.
Love, Jenny
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
REPLIES to 344. Sir Satanic Magic Bamboo Jerks Off:
Thank you everyone for sharing your blog with me! I’ve been reading and visiting and happily enjoying your words + pictures. I’ve also updated our blogroll to the best of my shabby ability. Is your blog missing? Do I visit your blog every day and tell you how much I worship your very being, and did I still stupidly forget to include your blog on our blogroll? If so, please tell me so!
those shorts are utterly adorable!
You look so adorable here.
Last year I had exactly 27 mosquito bites on ONE LEG. Torture! I always seem to get bitten on my eyelids too, how strange is that. Mosquito bits are seriously the bane of my existence right now. So many sleepless nights… I could talk about it forever.
Your camp experience seems so great, though I’d never want to teach myself, it seems amazing and definitely something to be jealous of.
Also, to people on the street, definitely always speak your mind. They go away quicker if you do it in a calm and reasonable manner. I’ve even started telling guys groping me/sneering at me/whispering me creepy things/etc. that it’s very offensive/creepy/unwanted. Most look at me like I am crazy (despite my calm manner!) but heeyyyyy, maybe I’ll get through to at least one guy which it’ll all be worth.
I feel so enraged and offended when Christians approach me and tell me they are “praying” for my soul. I am a Muslim anarchist who interprets all religions loosely. I dont believe in Heaven or Hell. I dont believe in Judgement Day. I believe it’s fine to have sex before marriage, get drunk as f–k, and do whatever makes you happy. Allah doesn’t give a shit if you do any of that. Allah has a great sense of humor, like the Norse god, Loki. I get a lot of hate from Christians and Muslims (and some atheists, too).
I think people need to shut their f–king mouths and midn their own damn business. I dont need anyone to tell me what to believe or what not to believe. I’m confident in my beliefs and I don’t need a dumb bitch to tell me my soul is in “trouble,” cos I know my soul ain’t in trouble.
I hate it when white people approach me and ask me if I am Arab, Persian, mixed, or whatever (I am Indian) and then I get annoyed when they reply “I love India, I’ve always wanted to visit,” and they try to make a conversation with me about my motherland,. when I dont know this person at all.
I’m sorry that happened to you.
great photos, by the way. lovely as usual!
-Sabina
aww jenny. i hope you find something meaningful for you because as of right now i can totally empathize with you. my last day of college was tuesday, but i don’t graduate until september. i’m also starting a different school at the end of august. i’m not quite sure what i’m supposed to do right now. i’m thankful to have my challenge so i have something to blog about, but in 6 posts, it’ll be over. i also can empathize with the bug bites. i currently have 10. it’s horrible
anyway…you look so cute in these photos! the color of your shorts are so delicious!
ps. thanks for adding me to your blogroll
i feel so loved!
pps. i meant to say that the color of your shorts IS so delicious. i frantically tried to cancel my comment from uploading, but it had its mind set on being published
Jenny, these are the nicest things EVER that ANYONE has said about me, in real life or on the internet, and it makes me so infinitely happy to have met you. I called my sister just yesterday and only talked about you! I’m sorry about the mosquito bites and I’d take them from you if it were possible (they bite me, I just don’t get the bumps — luck or curse? Perhaps it means someday I’ll have no defense to some terrible disease that only mosquito spit can cure…) Anyway, I also wanted the nights never to end, and even though I feel silly drinking wine in bars, it’s all I can do if I want to keep out late without collapsing and still I collapsed a little bit, but you were there for me! I can’t wait to see you NYC (first week of August!). You are this amazing amazing utterly inscrutable and totally beautiful woman and I keep saying, Jenny Z said THIS, people, and THAT! And she also has the courage to actually WRITE on her blog, while I don’t. So there! And….perhaps most telling of all, I copied you with some shorts I bought yesterday, so you’ll have to tell me if they’re good or not when I post them later today.
You always have the BEST shorts/high-waisted things, Jenny! I’m not sure if I can pull off bloomers- at least not ones that ruffle right at the largest part of my thigh- but you make me want to try!
Also, Cath and I get the “What are you?” approach rather than “are you [insert Asian nationality here]?” People usually guess Hispanic, but we’ve gotten Russian, Italian, Indian, Native American, and sometimes… Chinese. I like to give these people a hard time. “Where are your parents from?” “My Dad is from D.C. and mom is from Louisiana.” “No, I mean… where are you FROM?” Nice, huh?
Hello gorgeous!
Your shorts are adorable!
I have been bit by mosquitos non-stop this summer, I seriously think they just follow me around. And I don’t heal fast and they leave my legs blemished and beautyless… oh I dislike them little vampires like creatures.
love,
Fabiola “Fab”
I just wanted to say I think you’re brilliantly hilarious and that I love your blog. I will join you in the war against mosquitoes should there ever happen to be such a thing.
I got to know you WAY too late in your time in IC. CAMP FRIENDS!!!!
I responded to your comment via comment, which is awkward I guess but at the time seemed like a good thing to do until I wrote you like an actual personal email. I hope your packing is going well and that your cross-country journey is safe and as fun as it can be — and yes, I will be there in NYC so yes to that as well, and no worries about seeming like a shut-in because I am a shut-in too! I have no judgement for shut-ins! I just want to hang out
this outfit looks extra-adorable on you because i know it would look frightful on me. my blog is villanelle.org
What an awesome location! You look perfect in that outfit out in the fields – even with those bits! My legs look just like yours and I barely go outside, argh.
I hate that void feeling that you get when something big ends, but then it usually comes with that great feeling of anticipation for what’s next. I can’t wait to keep reading about what you’ll be up to!