393. Too much to say and not a clue as to where, when, or how to say it
March 13th, 2011 § 23 Comments
Good morning, morning glories. Here I am drinking a freshly squeezed glass of orange juice, one of many I consumed daily, in the main square in Marrakech. How to explain the long absence and how to express everything I am feeling right now? I went to Paris for a week and Morocco for another. I slept in a wonderful loft apartment in Paris that reminded me of the treehouse bed I never had because I never had a tree house and I was too timid and too fussy about my complicated, multi-layered, petticoat and tulle lined skirts that I wore throughout my childhood to climb trees.
In Paris, I looked at art, made out when I felt like it, read indoors and outdoors, wrote in cafes sometimes, and ate dumplings almost everyday, saw Rosemary’s Baby in the theatre and The Dame From Shanghai and fell asleep during the best twenty minutes (I was told.) I drank cocktails at the top of the Pompidou and drank wine outside and wished mon enfance could remain inside me like a seed that grows but never dies.
In Morocco, I let myself be bathed by beautiful Moroccan women in not-shy underwear and watched them scrub dead skin off my dead skin and cover me in mud, and I climbed a mountain in a gingham dress and Madewell oxfords by accident and kept thinking I was for sure going to fall to my death, but my Berbere tour guide held my hand the whole way. In Fes, I was stung by stinging nettle, I mean clever nettle, and I guiltily spied on two Moroccan teenagers making out on a rock formation. In Marrakech, I spent four beautiful days with my best girl, Laura, who I wish lived closer to me in France, although we are close enough, and she has the mountains and the sea and I just have the place where the Popes chilled, and Le Pont d’Avignon, which is not very impressive and ends abruptly in the middle of the Rhone.
On top of my internet only working sporadically these days, and mon avenir looming over me like a black poisonous cloud with no sense of humour or levity, I also can’t help but feel empty and scared rather than charged and determined (which is exactly the sort of powerlessness I should strive to reject and overcome) when I read about the anti-union, anti-worker bill, which strips public sector employees of their rights to collective bargaining, recently signed into law in Wisconsin, and similar bills being considered and fought against in Indiana, Ohio, Iowa, Michigan and Florida. I can’t help but feel demoralized and dehumanized as well, even though I’m in France, far away from all of this, and even though I have the privilege of disengaging from what’s happening in the US whenever I want, I still can’t keep my shit together whenever I think of how much our society valorizes and privileges the notion of work, of being hardworking, of productivity, of being good at one’s job in America, while at the very same time does everything possible to devalue and insult the worth of working folks.
The gap between the minimum wage and a living wage? Demoralizing. How much shit workers, especially in the apocryphal service industry, are expected to take on vis-a-vis how much we are willing to compensate our workers and what benefits we are willing to ‘give’ (as if basic things like health insurance are a gift and not a right?) Demoralizing. How in a few seconds time, everything that workers, labor activists and unions have ever fought for was completely shat on and taken away? Demoralizing. It’s great that people are angry and mobilizing against Governor Walker for targeting teachers, police officers, and firefighters, (basically the equivalent of cuddly puppies, cute kittens, and rosy-cheeked babies in the hierarchy of workers, aka the workers for whom Americans tend to really sympathize with,) but I just hope these feelings of anger, insult, betrayal, this moment we are in, the critical mass that has finally come together to pursue justice, to defend and uphold the rights of working folks, is expansive enough to include all working folks–public and private sector, documented and undocumented workers.
And then there’s the proposed cuts to Planned Parenthood, the National Endowment for the Arts, the Al-Jeezera video I can’t stop watching of the anti-Muslim rally, organized by Teaparty activists (how I hate using those two words together,) held in Yorba Linda, California last month. The video shows protesters heckling Muslim families with children, who were attending an Islamic charity fundraiser, and saying really hateful, hurtful stuff like, “GO HOME,” and really stupid stuff like chanting “A-mer-i-ca!” All I can think when I watch this video is: how could something in 2011 remind me so much of what happened outside of Little Rock Central High School in 1957, when pro-segregation protesters bullied and harassed the nine African-American students, who had to be escorted by the National Guard into the school? And in 2011, we have an elected government official, City Council member Deborah Pauly casually making death threats to Muslims in front of a crowd of cheering hatemongering racists???? She says at one point, “I know quite a few marines who would be very happy to help these terrorists to an early meeting in Paradise.” It’s just too much to bear.
And on top of all of this, a representative from my own county in Long Island (I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised considering my own personal experiences with bigotry and racism growing up in Long Island…) has begun Congressional hearings on the threat of homegrown Islamic radicalization and the threat of domestic terrorism from American Muslim communities, and there are actually people who think this is a good thing, a long overdue thing, a brave thing. The reasons for why these hearings are not any of these things are, no doubt, obvious to our sage readers here at FFW, and when I listen to Rep. Peter King say in his opening statement, “To back down would be a craven surrender to political correctness,” I just want to throw eggs in his face, because I’m so sick of the term, ‘political correctness’ as if not wanting racism and bigotry and persecution based on religion, ethnicity, sexuality, or gender to exist in the world is just a burning desire for ‘political correctness.’ Who in this world is fighting for ‘political correctness?’ Who are these activists committed to the righteous cause of ‘political correctness?’ Who here finds Congressional hearings that target only Muslim Americans abhorrent on the basis of ‘political correctness?’
And the nerve of King to say, ‘There is no equivalency of threat between al Qaeda and Neo-Nazis, environmental extremists, or other isolated mad men. Only al Qaeda and its Islamist affiliates in this country are part of an international threat to our nation. Indeed by the Justice Department’s own record not one terror related case in the last two years involved neo-Nazis, environmental extremists, militias or anti-war groups,” when just one day prior, Kevin Harpham, a white supremecist with Neo-Nazi affiliations was charged with “attempted use of a weapon of mass destruction and possession of an unregistered explosive device,” (sorry, italics are mine,) in a plot to bomb the Martin Luther King Day parade in Spokane, Washington!
All I can say is that everyone should watch this video of Representative Keith Ellison, a Democrat from Minnesota, and the first Muslim to be elected to the United States Congress, testifying on the first day of the hearing. It made me cry while I was doing some dishes last night.
There are people demanding revolution in the Middle East. They are demanding change, fairness, dignity, and I am often at a loss for how to support and show my solidarity with the people of Libya, Tunisia, Egypt, Bahrain, Iran, Yemen, Saudi Arabia, Iraq, Mauritania, Jordan, Algeria, Kuwait, Djibouti, Sudan, Syria, Morocco, and Palestine.
And then there’s the earthquake and tsunami in Japan. The images and the videos of the destruction have been ubiquitious, so I won’t say much more because other people are already saying it, and saying it better. This link, “Japan Quake: How Can I Help?” taken from my friend Sam‘s facebook page is pretty good. Just to further steal from my friend Sam‘s FB page, he also wrote: “I urge you please please please consider donating to the Japan relief effort, I have a strong suspicion that people would be less sympathetic just because Japan is a 1st world country and as prepared as humanly possible for such a disaster. As things stand right now, death toll expected to be over 10,000 and fear of meltdown of a 2nd nuclear plant.” Thanks for saying what I couldn’t figure out how to say, Sam!
With so much devastation to the human spirit and humanity at large, how, how, how could I ever adequately write a blog post expressing all that I want to say and all that I feel right now? I don’t know, and I apologize for this mess of a blog post, which starts off about me, per usual, and ends on a note of mememememememememe. My apologies for not knowing how to look and think beyond myself in the midst of all that is happening.
Your homegirl,
Jenny
PS- I know Meggy & I have been away from this blog for some time now. We have a post in the works about the future of FFW (it’s a good future, I promise!) Thanks for sticking with us as we try to figure it all out.
your words strike a deep chord of frustration in me. makes me think of the complete and at times overwhelming helplessness I feel when faced with any and every news article, each tale of injustice, every word spoken about the powers that be. how do we organize the formation of a giant transformer to tromp into Washington and force the government to take the people of our country as its people, not as replaceable units?
This may be the nerdiest thing ever, but I’ve been reading the Dune series by Frank Herbert, and if the possibility of a government that governs for the people isn’t even possible in science fiction, how can we hope for our future?
amazing post, really striking! i completely agree with you 100% on everything you said about the teapartiers. the more i hear about their crazy antics, the more ashamed i am of living on the same continent as them.
Me too, Celeste! But I’m proud that I (five months ago) lived on the same continent as you
Thank you so much for your words, especially the nerdy ones! I’m kidding and also serious. Dune has been on my reading list forever. When I find myself back in Anglophone land, I will have to pick it up from the library. And your question is poignant, although I must say that the mirror science fiction holds up to our world always depresses me a little bit (but in a good, engaging way!)
Great post. As I look around at all the hatred and fear and devastation, it’s hard not to worry about the future. I’m not usually one for hyperbole, but I can’t help but think about what things were like in Europe in the 30s, and what came out of that. Just look at what’s happening in Michigan–the governor just signed his first bill into law, and it basically allows him to instate financial martial law on any city HE determines to be in “financial emergency.” It’s horrifying. I’m just grateful that there are people out there like the WI protesters.
I am grateful for the WI protesters standing in solidarity against Walker. It’s really horrifying to see Republican lawmakers flagrantly flout the law in order to get this shitty piece of legislation through. I’m so grateful for readers like you who make me feel a lot less alone here in France.
xx
Jenny, I just sent you a long, long facebook love letter, and I just hi-fived the air, wept and cheered over this lovely post of yours. Yes. Yes. Yes. What has happened to our world? Why are human beings intent on shitting on each other, shitting on each other so smugly and then saying, “I’m not doing anything wrong!! Stop destroying A-MER-I-CA!”
Why are they defending an entitlement to be smugly ignorant, to hate, to deny the rights of human beings to live peacefully, to be Muslim, Mexican, gay, a teacher, an advocate, to march for MLK?
Oh, and the avarice of teachers! Um, yeah. Not that I ever had the “luxury” of health care during my five years of teaching full-time in Arizona, but seriously, say your main goal is life is avarice, greed, a swimming pool of gold coins and a cushy day-to-day life. You would be severely misguided to pursue teaching to meet that goal, in this world, or any saner one. OH PLEASE!
It’s like these fools are trying to rewrite reality. When did peace, respect, the working class, a living wage, cultural literacy, compassion and being an ally become a threat to A-MER-I-CA ?
Love you, Jenny. We’ll just have to do our best.
xoxo,
Gina
Gina, my air-high-fiving soul sister, you are right about everything–about the fear-mongering, the word-twisting, the backpedaling, chants that mean absolutely nothing, the values that prize exploitation and devalue human worth.
I still can’t understand how anyone can seriously chant A-MER-I-CA and not feel the least bit ridiculous or bashful. What happened to family tree assignments in middle school? When people chant ‘GO HOME,’ are they really so completely ignorant of their own ancestry and lineage? What happened to learning in history class about how America was founded? IMM-I-GRANTS! Or learning in history class who was already living in America before the Europeans arrived? Basic, basic stuff, that should put anyone to shame when using the word ‘American’ as carelessly and hatefully as it has been used recently.
And I realized, of course politicians who refuse to engage in intelligent political discourse, who disparage any attempt at complexity, context, and thoughtful debate, can’t possibly value education and teachers. I’m saddened, Gina. I’m so saddened.
But I’m still high-fiving the air in your honor.
xx
Thanks for this great post. I, too, am frustrated by the use of the term “political correctness” in our public vocabulary. And Keith Ellison, who was my representative while I lived in Minnesota, is amazing.
Annie, I’m always happy when you comment on my fashion-less posts. How cool that Ellison was your representative in Minnesota! From what I’ve read, he seems like such an upstanding, passionate, progressive Democrat. I wish I could say about Peter King’s punk-ass.
Actually, the first several paragraphs of your post were a welcome reprieve from the heaviness and seriousness of so many other things, some of which we are powerless over. It’s only by having a “me” that we can care about others.
Thanks Terri, I always agree with your logic and your wisdom!
Wonderful post. It expressed much of the frustration and sadness I’ve been feeling too. It seems like every day when I log onto the internet, I’m confronted by something terrible. Yesterday I was consumed by all the posts on Twitter and Facebook (not from any of my friends, thank goodness) of people saying that the earthquake and tsunami is karma for Pearl Harbor. Sometimes I feel so much anger against these bigoted people that I am consumed by it.
I am happy to be a passionate person who will fight for what I believe to be just, but some days I just feel consumed by all of these things and I don’t know what to do with it except weep.
The FB and tweets about Pearl Harbor make me sick to my stomach and I too sometimes feel consumed by this feeling of sickness, even though perhaps, it would be easier for us to dismiss those people as insensitive, heartless loonies. But I’ve always found it hard to dismiss bigots… they aren’t outliers, they are indicative of a lack of humanity in this world.
But I’m grateful for people like you, Amy! It sounds like you have a lot to be proud of
Oh Jenny! I truly have missed seeing you on here! I was actually rereading your posts last night and I was so happy to see your comment on my most recent blog post! Your adventures in Paris and Morocco sound so incredibly fascinating–precisely what I’m craving in my life right now! It really is disheartening to see all this preventable (well not the tsunami/earthquake) crap on the news. Maybe all this is what sparked my need to explore see things beyond this country.
Oh, I just leave out the dull stuff about my day to day existence here! Don’t think my life isn’t without daily, banal vicissitudes.
There is still a lot of time for you to explore and get out in the world. I just hope the world will be an inviting, welcoming, loving place in the (our) future.
xx
I was just thinking where you’ve been! This is once again a great post that once again completely describes some of the feelings of helplessness I’ve been having. I just cannot believe what’s going on in all of the world right now and I know it’s probably because I’m so much more aware but to me it all just seems like a frightening radical turn to extreme conservatism.
But I am glad to read something of yours again and I’m still excitedly waiting for that post on the future of your blog!
Eline! I couldn’t agree more. I also can’t help but think that these are scary times, getting scarier by the minute, and I can’t tell if I’m psyching myself out, and nothing is more or less scary than it’s always been, or if there is really a radical turn to extreme conservatism as you say.
xx
I am glad you wrote this and I read it and that I will be seeing you this summer. Which is about all I can say because I’m an inarticulate bumbling fool who sits in my room listening to NPR all day, but I guess I will also say, These times DO seem scarier, and the more I read about everything, from credit card debt to racial xenophobia to for-profit colleges, the more I’m convinced there is or is about to be a major crash and then a turn in our collective consciousness…that optimism might be all the 2012/World Age/mind-expanding juju I’ve been reading to counteract all the horrible real stuff….sigh, but I miss you.
I miss you so much, Julia! I can’t wait to see you in just a few months. My heart beats fast just thinking about it, and I feel like twice the inarticulate bumbling fool that you are also not! (Did that sentence make any sense of did I bungle it?) <3
You always say these things so much better than I ever could. Would it be hyperbole for me to say that I feel like America’s falling apart? Hearing about all of the union-disbanding and Planned Parenthood-defunding and Islamophobia (if that wasn’t a word before, it is now) make me feel that much luckier that I can crawl back up across the border whenever some racist tells me to “Go home.”
Not a hyperbole at all, and I always wish I could better articulate myself all the time! I do feel like America is falling apart, and my insides are following suit. But it makes me happy to read a comment from you, Anwa, as always. <3
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